Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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