All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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