OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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