I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is wine microwaveable?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
