he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
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she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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