she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
