he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
