fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
