I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
