it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
