so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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