dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
