I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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