Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
