White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And then he peed in my hair
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