4 words: hood of his car
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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