2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
