Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
