Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
