Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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