Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
