four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
