His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
