I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize