apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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