Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize