he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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