I wanna bring you to show and tell
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
