fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
