If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sext me about skeletons
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
