she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
