I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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