I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
