my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
