i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
