Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
