I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she peed on how many people?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
