man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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