He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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