Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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