I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
