also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
