I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
