Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
