And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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