i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
