4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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