so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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