Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
