I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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