it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
