so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
