I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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