No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
