I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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