Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
